Good and Broken
by To Thine Own Self Be True101
Summary: She is lethal, a cold blooded killer, but she wasn't always this way. She used to be a happy bubbly little girl who just had a bad home life. It's not her fault she was never good enough, it's not her fault her dad was a drunk and it's most certainly not her fault that she's in this kill or be killed state of mind. Her name is Clove, and its not her fault she's good and broken.
1. Chapter 1

This** is short, yes but this is just the prolog the next chapter will be up soon. I promise I am nearly in DC and updates will become regular then.**

* * *

Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover

Prologue

Clove

As I sit here, next to my best friend on a train speeding towards a city called the Capitol, I got the idea to tell you my tale, because if I don't then you won't ever be able to hear it. I'll tell you right now it isn't going to be a happy one. It's a tale full of tragedy, heart break, pain, suffering and in the mix of it all a few moments of happiness.

My best friend and I have known each other for 11 years now and in just 96 short hours I will be thrown into an arena to fight him to the death. That's just life though isn't it? It has to end in death. Right?

I'll say this again if you didn't catch it, this isn't a happy tale. It is one that will ultimately end in death. Either mine or his or possibly both.

Anyway dramatics aside, my name is Clove Ash I'm 18 years old and I am a killer. That's just how I was raised because around here it's kill or be killed.


	2. Age 7

**Okay this is a filler chapter, and the next real chapter will be up momentarily...**

* * *

Age 7

When I was seven years old my mother lead me to the training arena. I was shocked to find out I was going. Money was tight, my dad wasn't great and we had a new baby on the way. I didn't know then that I got a scholarship only because I had demonstrated great athletic ability at the school's gymnastics performance.

MY dad had worked in the quarries for 10 years, when he and my mom were 21 they got married and had me. After that things kind of got worse. The Capitol cut funding and the wages of the workers were cut, they knew full well that we couldn't just walk out. My dad got angry a lot and the earliest memory I have of him is him sitting in the corner, while he was watching me, drinking. Then he just got up and left. I was alone for four hours before my mother came back. I was four.

We stood in line behind a boy, he had been in my class last year. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and was much bigger than me. I looked around. There were a lot of new people here, all around my age. Each one in a different line for a different class, I was standing in the longest line there was, Swords and Knives.

The boy turned and observed me too. I waved, he waved. This was the only interaction we had until later that day and if I had known then that this boy, Cato, was either going to be the biggest pain in the neck ever or my whole world I would have turn and run out the door.


	3. Pretend

**Okay, here we go, the first actual chapter...**

* * *

One

Pretend

_Once and a while I act like a child to feel like a kid again._

_It gets like a prison in the body I'm living in,_

_Cause everyone's watching, quick to start talking, I'm losing my innocence._

_Wish I were a little girl without the weight of the world._

_-Pretend_

Age 12

Clove

So here we go. I'll give you the short version of the last five years, my mom had two more kids after Nutmeg (The baby when I was 7) who is now 5, Then she had Hazel who is 3 and Paprika who is 1. It was reaping day and I was bathing Hazel. Mother was cooking breakfast and then there was a knock on my door. I sighed, wrapped Hazel in a towel and walked over to the door.

My house was small with two beds, One my mom (and sometimes my dad when he was home) and Paprika slept in and one Me, Nutmeg and Hazel slept in. There was a small "Kitchen" which was really more of a stove, refridgerator, counters and an oven all backed against one wall. In the center of the room was a small, old and somewhat dingy red sofa, and the small fuzzy TV we watch the games on.

I opened the door, and Cato is standing on the other side, he's in his best outfit for the reaping. I smiled at him. "Morning."

"Morning Clo." He smiled and ruffled Hazels hair. I shifted her to my other hip and look down at myself, I was still in the tank top and shorts I wore yesterday, I haven't bathed yet and my hair is a rats nest.

"You're way too early." I shook my head.

"I know, I'm here to help with the spice rack." He grinned at me. The spice rack is what he called me and my sisters, because we're all named after spices.

"Okay, then you can get me Hazel's dress while I dry her off." I stepped back and let him in.

"Hello Cato." My mother said smiling from the stove, where she was cooking soup for dinner.

"Morning Ms. Ash." He smiled.

"Clove you need to hurry up and get in the bath." My mother scolded.

I groaned I've always hated bath time. To me it's a waste of five trips to the water pump. "I know." Cato grabbed Hazels dress off the bed, it was white, I wasn't so sure why though she got so dirty putting her in black was more practical. I dry her, put her cloth diaper on, and pull the dress over her. Then I started to French braid her blonde hair.

She really did look like my mom. Blonde hair, her heart shaped face and her hazel eyes. I wish I looked more like my mom, because my apperence was only a painful reminder of my father. The father whom I can't trust, a father who I haven't seen in five days, and who I want nothing to do with.

Cato helped me haul water for my bath and then took a seat on the bed while I bathed. I poured the water over my hair, and scrubbed under my finger nails. Then I got out and dressed in a white dress that was getting too tight around my chest, and too short, but we couldn't afford another one. I stepped out from behind the screen and towel dried my hair.

I decided to stay simple and put it in two braids. By now we were running late and I was grabbed and pulled out the door. We set Hazel and Paprika in the stroller, Paprika in Hazel's lap. I had Nutmeg by the hand and together we made our way to the reaping.

It was already crowded by the time we arrived so Cato and I left our families on the sidelines and went to sign in with the thousands of other kids. The peacekeeper looked at me and said. "Name, age and date of birth.

"Clove Ash, age 12, I was born June 18, 2220." I said.

"Any Teassere?"

I actually had to think about that, there was no doubt that we needed more oil, it had been much colder than usual but I'm not sure that my family would want me to have it but I decide to take a bit. "Yes, just one extra time please." I heard Cato's breath catch behind me and I stepped on his foot. A silent – 'say a word and I'll kill you'- he gets it, I can't let anyone know that a career – and one through a scholarship at that- has an unloyal father.

Most other careers have fathers or mothers who work at the training center or make weaponry. Some even have victors for parents. Others have Aunts or Uncles in the career 'curcit'. A very small handful of us were there from a scholarship and if anyone else in my year was, they didn't admit it and I didn't blame them.

I filed into the girls section and found my self in a sea of nervous, excited 12 year olds. I found another girl I knew from training and stood next to her.

"Hi Clove!" Bubble bouced excitedly. Her blonde curls flew into my face, I scowled, but quickly turned it around to a smile.

"Hi Clara." I said. Clara was Bubble's actual name, but in my head and to Cato I called her Bubble because she was so overly happy and bubbly. It got kind of annoying sometimes.

I turned around and saw my family, my sisters with their blonde tangles, and my mom smiling and waving at me. The smile was the nervous one though, she was worried about me. I was the only way out of the hole we were stuck in. If I won we would be fine, but I wasn't ready yet I still needed a few more years.

The reaping seemed to drag on until we finally have out two volunteers. A boy named Orion, and his twin sister Ryan. After the reaping I wave goodbye to Cato and take my sleeping little sister and we go home. I had a big career test in the morning and I needed to get and much sleep as possible so I could be prepared for it.

At around 9 my sisters and I went to bed. Only to be awoken at midnight by my father banging the door open. He's drunk again. I knew instantly to run. So I wake Nutmeg up.

"Meg!" I whispered shaking her gently to wake her. She wakes up and looks at me the fear evident in her hazel eyes.

"Clove, what?" She whined.

"W-we have to go stay with Cato now. Okay?" I said.

"But I don't want to." She frowned, coming to the conclusion that I woke her for no reason other than a sleep over.

"You have to!" I snapped. She saw immediately that I was deadly serious. I grabbed the baby and nodded at mom, I swung Hazel on to my back, grabbed Nutmegs hand and drug them out the back door.

It was a mile and a half to Cato's, and that was through the woods, if we went by the streets it would be faster, but we could also have been caught and executed for roaming at night. Hazel was awake and crying for mother, the baby is sobbing, so once we're about five hundred feet from the house I stop.

"You have to be quiet Hazel, please, we're going to Cato's then you can go back to bed, I promise." I pleaded. Rocking the baby back to silence, they were too young and didn't get it, this was a life or death situation.

After a bit she stopped, then the back door opened, and I could see my father's silloute. I hoisted her on to my back where she wrapped her arms around my neck and we continued running.

Nutmeg is out of breath with in a hundred yards but I drag her on. She was only five, not very coordinated yet, she was exhausted, in a nightgown and the woods is full of trees and she stumbled a lot. I had no choice, but once my father is out of sight I pull her to a bush.

"Stay here with Hazel, I'll be back with Cato. Don't leave until we come, stay quiet and even if Daddy comes by don't get out. Do not move." I said.

"Okay." Nutmeg nodded.

"Here's this, don't ever use it unless someone other than me or Cato tries to get you." I said, handing her a knife, cutting a good sized cut on my leg when it almost slipped out of my sweaty hand.

"Not even daddy?"

"Especially not daddy." I scooped up Paprika and turned, racing through the woods.

I could go much faster without Hazel and Nutmeg In minutes I was bursting out of the woods I was out of breath and I couldn't scream so I just kept going until I got to the door. I started to bang on it and a light flickered on and the door open.

"Clove?" Cato's mom asked. Cato stepped out from behind her and looked at me. I was sure I was a sight to see, in my dirty white nightgown, my hair in tangles, and bleeding. I shoved the screaming Paprika at Cato's mom and motioned for him to follow

Cato got the urgency and fallowed me through the woods, it was a mile back to where they were hidden but we made it easily. I call out to the girls.

"Clove?" I herd Megs small voice call back.

"Meg it's me and Cato we need you to come out right now." I said. She and Hazel scrambled out of their hiding place and Cato grabbed her, and I took Hazel and ran.

We continued running as fast as we could to his house. By then Hazel and Nutmeg were crying again. We didn't stop though we just ran. This wasn't training. This was reality. We got to his house, and I set the girls down. The adrenalin rushes out of me and I sank down on to the floor, drew my knees up to my chest and cried, I was only vaguely aware of Cato trying to do something about the cut on my leg.


	4. Heavy

**Off to chapter two, sorry for the wait we don't get Wi-Fi until Wednesday I am at a Starbucks right now..**

* * *

Two

Heavy

_The world is too heavy, too big for my shoulders, come take the weight off me now._

_Thousands of messes from one simple question, come take the weight off me now._

- _Rubik's Cube, Athlete_

Clove

I woke up very early to Cato shaking me. It was funny because I didn't ever remember falling asleep. The memories of last night came back, my dirty bloodstained nightgown lied on a heap on the floor and I was in a t-shirt and pants I don't recognize, but I assumed belonged to Aimee, Cato's sister.

"Hey, we have to go soon, get dressed." Cato said.

I sat up and changed into a training uniform I recognized as mine. I went down to the main room and asked "Where did you get this?"

"Your mother brought it last night, your dad is still at your house by the way." He informed.

"Can the girls stay here?" I asked.

"Yeah they can. My older sister will be home all day today." He said. It was already 4 am and we were running a few minutes behind. I threw my hair in to a ponytail and we dashed out the door.

Cato's older sister was in a wheel chair, so obviously being a career wasn't ever going to happen, but she loved kids, so she babysat during the day. I think she was sixteen at the time but I'm not actually sure, I knew she could handle my sisters, who were all probably so tired they'd sleep through the most of the morning.

The uniforms we had to wear are tight, so you can make out every curve, muscle and movement. The pants though are a little different, they were still tight but not as bad as the shirts, which we could hardly move in at first. The pants were cut off just above the elbow and said our names on the back and our number. The number was how we were placed in order when we took tests, gave demonstrations or worked with the younger kids.

Cato didn't look too bad in his, he was well fed enough to make him taller and more muscular then me. I was overall not that appealing in the uniform. It showed off just how boney I was, all bone and muscle nothing else, I was also the smallest in my class.

I was pretty sure I would have to fight Cato today, just because I was much smaller didn't matter. The regulations said that I had to fight kids my own age, and I had fought just about everyone else in the class.

When we arrived at the training arena we started to stretch. The three judges were all victors. Lyme, Enobaria, and one I don't recognize. They were who decided if we could move on or if we had to retake the training course this year. If I assumed all would go well then I would volunteer for the games at the same time as Cato.

"Good luck." Cato said. I was behind him in line and he had to go first. I stood there waiting in front of a boy maybe a year older than me. He was one of my more frequent tormenters.

"What's wrong? You need luck?" HE spat at me.

I turned on him, maybe it was because I was tired, maybe because I was angry but for whatever reason I turned on him. "No, but if you don't leave me alone you're going to need it."

"Oh you hear that?" He shouted to the people behind him. "She thinks she can hurt me. Well little girl I think I'll just- OW!" He screamed the last part as my knife made contact with his foot, it was where his big to_ was_.

They called in the medic, the knife was ripped out but he had to be sent home anyway, he couldn't train for a week. Good. I had crippled him, even if it was only for a week it was enough.

After training had gotten out, at around 9 pm Cato and I walked towards his house. Cato knew I had family issues, but he didn't know what or how bad they were. He knew I didn't like my dad, but he didn't know how much I hated him or why.

As we walked steadily in the directon of our houses all I was able to think about was that I didn't want to go home, and that there was a small chance of having to see my dad. Most likely though he would be gone and drunk by then.

"Are you okay?" Cato spoke up.

"Fine. W-why wouldn't I be?" I said fighting to get control of the tremor in my voice.

"Last night you seemed so, terrified, like you were running for your life." He pointed out. I probably did, and the girls probably noticed too.

"N-no I'm fine." I insisted.

"Clove, I've known you for five years now, I spend every hour of the day with you from 4 am to 10 pm. Can't you trust me?" He asked. I must have hesitated a moment too long. "It's okay you don't have too I just thought after five years you could trust a person."

"It's not that I swear. It just this is really complicated." I said.

"Okay, then. I'll leave it alone." He said.

As we got closer, I got worse. The shaking started, the tremor in my voice got steadily worse, and I was fighting back tears. We kept walking past Cato's house, after he told his sister he was walking me back. I think that only made it worse.

"Clove, you are about to lose it. What is going on?" He asked.

"N-nothing." I muttered, I had started speaking as little as possible.

"Clove, if it was nothing the you would be carrying on a pleasant conversation with my right now, like we always do." He said.

I snapped. "No I wouldn't!" I cried. "I am always carrying on a pleasant conversation but I am never having one, because I am always terrified that my drunk father will be home, and that my sisters or mother might be hurt. I always know that I will have to face my sisters who don't really know what a terrible person I am or why I can't eat dinner with them!"

Cato was in shock, he was just standing there, his eyes wide while I stood there a sobbing wreck. Oh who am I kidding? I've always been a wreck. He didn't move, and I didn't move. We just stood there.

"Clove, I don't even know what to do." He said.

"N-neither do I." I whipped the tears from under my eyes but more kept pouring out. I fought to get ahold of myself.

"Clove, everyone needs to cry sometimes." Cato said

"I can't afford to." I said.

"You want to just wait here a while?" He asked me.

"Yes please." I muttered.

So we sat, I cried, he looked lost. Until finally I was able to regain control of myself and we walked back to my house in silence.

"Thank you, for walking me back." I said before I entered.

"I couldn't have just left you out there." He said.

Before I could stop myself I turned and hugged him. "Thanks." Then I dashed back into the house.

My father wasn't there, this time but neither were my sisters I looked at my mom, who was holding the baby and a pair of knitting needles.

"Your sisters are staying with a friend, I don't want them here in case your father comes back." My mother explained. I nodded.

Wordlessly I filled the basin with cold water and bathed, taking care to wash my hair carefully. I pulled my night gown on and crawled into bed, and pulled the curtain around the bed closed. It was no use though, I couldn't sleep, not because my mother had the oil lamp lit and was knitting but because the bed was much too empty. I could roll and turn all I wantd and sleep in any position I desired and yet I was not comfortable. I could not find my sister's warmth, where Nutmeg would usually have been was nothing but cold empty space. On my other side, where Hazel would be with her worn blue blanket and feeble teddy bear sucking her thumb is nothing.

I was awake long after the lamp goes out and my mother is asleep. I was still awake by around one in the morning, I finally decided that I wouldn't get sleep anyway and it would be better for my sanity if I got up and did something.

I lit the dim oil lamp and dressed silently in a pait of old jeans, and old t-shirt that I wasn't entirely sure belonged to me, and pulled my dark waves into a high pony tail. I stick three knives in my belt and go outside. I saw a lizard on the side of the house and cut it in half in 2.5 seconds. Yum. I considered starting a fire but decided that wouldn't be the best idea so I cut the lizard into bits and went inside.

I heated up the stove and put a frying pan on. While the stove heated I picked the bones out of the lizard and then placed the long strips in the frying pan. While they were cooling I went out to the garden and picked a bit of rosemary and threw that on the bits of lizard. I pulled a bottle of milk out of the icebox and poured a glass.

I ate my breakfast on a cracked plate. I didn't mind having to eat with my hands, though I did realize that this was the first meal I'd eaten at home in a long time. Usually I was fed lunch and dinner at the training center but the rest was all up to us to eat at home, we couldn't feed my sisters and me so I ate at the training center and they ate at home.

When the clock struck four I pulled on my training gear and made my way to Cato's house. He walked with me.

"Morning Clove. Sleep well?" He asked, throwing and arm around my shoulders, which I shrugged off.

"I didn't sleep at all." I said.

"Really? Was your dad there?" He growled.

"No, no." I said quickly, I could tell his temper would flare up if I wasn't careful. "My sisters were at a friend's house, and the bed was too empty."

"That's ironic." He laughed. "You always complain about being soar from sharing a bed and now you can't sleep without them."

"Shut up, or you'll be my next target." I said.

"Sorry." He pouted.


	5. Pain Relief

Three

Pain Relief

_Something you said sits in my head,_

_It's been there too long, it's killing me slowly_

_It's rolling around, it's pushing me down, it's keeping the good part of me closed_

_Can't you see that when I find you I'll find me._

- _When I Find You, Joshua Radin and Maria Taylor._

Clove

The summer I was 14 me and my sisters went to stay with my aunt and it was needless to say I had changed a lot. My ebony hair had changed from waves to large loopy curls, and I had gotten a bit taller. I walked into training on the first day in a white tank top and exercise shorts. My old uniform had out grown me a few months ago and I couldn't get a new one.

"Hi Cato." I said on the first day back.

He chocked on his water. "Clover are you trying to kill me?"

"Um no." I said wairily.

"Good then don't sneak up on me like that." He said. "So how have you been?"

"Great!" I smiled.

"That's something I've not heard from you in a long time." He smiled.

"Yeah I know. What makes it so much better is that my dad isn't going to be around anymore, mom finally filed for a divorce." I sighed, it had been a huge relief when she finally broke that news to us. At least on me.

"Well that came about 13 years too late." He growled.

"At least it happened." I laughed weakly, before he could answer I was called over by my instructor and the day had begun.

At lunch I sat outside cleaning my knives, it was our job to keep our weapons clean and organized, if we ever lost one the punishment was severe. Cato sat next to me sharpening the sword he worked with. That's when she came up, Ariel, the biggest air head in class.

"Hi Cato." Ariel said.

"Hi." He muttered, She sat on his lap, where the sword wasn't.

"Care to introduce me?" I asked.

"Oh Clove I didn't think you'd heard, but this is Ariel my girlfriend." Cato said.

"Well that's a little detail you left out earlier." I said, not being able to bite back the scowl that had crept up on my face.

The rest of the day I spent in silence and on the way home I let Cato do all the talking. "What's up?" He asked about half way home.

"Nothing." I answered.

"Do you like Ariel?" He asked.

"You could do better." I muttered, it's true he could. He's tall, well-built and he's a career, which is about all anyone ever takes into consideration around here.

"Well there are only like two other girls in our class and that's Bubbly or you." He frowned.

"I would prefer even Bubbly." I muttered. "Hey! What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing your just_"

"Just what?" I snapped. When he didn't answer he was lucky my knife missed his ear.

"God what was that for?" He yelled.

"So you think I'm inadequate?" I snarled.

"No I just think that-" MY next knife skimmed his arm, "Ow!" I grabbed my knives and ran off down the street. Cato was still calling my name, but I didn't turn back.

Only when I was home did I stop to wonder what was wrong with me. Cato caught up with me and grabbed my shoulder.

"Clove there is nothing wrong with you." He panted. "You've been gone all summer Clove." He was right.

"I would still prefer Bubbly." I said and he smiled, I knew that for now everything was going to be okay, it always would be.

"Well I like her." He muttered.

"Why?" I asked.

"She's pretty."

"I ought to have figured that was why."

"Night Clove."

"Night Cato."

I turned and went back inside, smiling my mother was sitting next to the oil lamp, she looked up at me. "What happened?"

"Nothing, why?" I closed the door behind me and went to sit down.

"You're smiling you almost never smile anymore Clove." She said.

"I smile, sometimes." I muttered.

"Well what made you smile?" She asked. I didn't answer. "Was it a boy in your class?"

"No mom it was just something funny Cato said." I answered.

"Cato's a boy." She pointed out.

"Oh gee, I hadn't figured that out. Did you know he's like four inches taller than me now?" I asked.

"Really? That's what his mother said but I didn't believe her." MY mom said, she and Cato's mom were friends and that how Cato and I became friends. The kind of friends who throw knives and sword fight each other for fun. Hey, what are friends for right?

I changed quickly and crawled in bed next to my sisters. Hazel and Nutmeg instantly wielded themselves to the area around me. Paprika molded to the wall, as usual, with her thumb in her mouth.

The next day I was early for my meeting with Cato. He seemed a little surprised when I was sitting on his front porch sharpening my knives.

"Hi Clove, your unnaturally early." He yawned, he never has been a morning person.

"Yeah I am, I had a hard time sleeping." I said.

"What's up?" He asked knowing instantly that something was up.

"Nothing." I muttered.

"Come on Clove, out with it." He stood in front of me, blocking my way.

"Look if I really wanted to tell you I would!" I snapped.

"Okay I'm not going to pressure you into telling me." He said.

"Really because that sounds kind of like what you're doing." I smiled at him in a not-so-sweet way.

"Okay I'll just shut up now." He sighed in defeat.

We walked the next three miles to the training center in silence. I walked over to the knife station and started to sharpen my knives. I was about half way threw the set when some ones fist collided with the side of my face. I dropped the knives as I fell backwards, I heard a sickening crack as I landed. I looked up. My dad.

I probably would have gotten up and hit him back if Cato wasn't already there. "Leave her alone!" Cato's fist collided with my dad's face, even I heard the crack and couldn't help but wince, that had to hurt.

"Cato!" The trainer yells. Cato seems to snap out of it as his eyes fall once again to where the rest of us are. A large crowd has now gathered about twenty feet away. I start to get up and as I put my hand on the bench I feel a sharp pain. I quickly remove it, my hand hangs limply from the wrist down. Broken. I try to stand again using the other hand, only to find I've sliced the top of it open with my knives when I fell.

"Clove." Someone mutters. I try again to stand, this time it doesn't work because I've also cut into a good portion of my calf. I decide on rolling out of the way, and finally using my one good leg I stand only to start falling over a few seconds later, but someone catches me. The medic.

"Lay still, I'll have to stich you up and set the bone." HE ordered.

"Where's Cato?" I asked, warily.

"Removing that scum from the building." He answered. I didn't bother telling him that scum is my father, because around there that's the kind of thing that gets you picked on.

By the time Cato returned the bone was being set. He was the only one who was not afraid to come near me, which proves the point that they don't do a very good job around here. These dandelions are killers who were terrified of a little blood, maybe some bone, they won't last a day in the arena.

"You okay Clove?" HE asked, surveying the damage.

"Yeah, it's only a few cuts and a broken wrist." I shrugged.

"Yeah, only cuts that required a total of 15 stitches." He raised his eyebrows to which I rolled my eyes.

"Cato, please." I whispered he gots the message and nodded. The door bangsed open and all of our heads turned. My family, this day was going to be just _wonderful_. My mom rushed in.

"Clove." She said.

"HI mom, I'm fine I assure you." I said.

"Honey, you're going to have to watch your sisters, they're over there." She gestured and I saw my sisters, Nutmeg was looking around at the other kids training, her eyes were the size of frying pans, Hazel was waving cheerily at Cato and Paprika was sucking her thumb.

"What why?" I asked.

"Your father's home. You will be staying with Cato tonight." She explained hastily. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay? I heard about the accident."

"I'm fine, they gave me something for the pain, we're getting the bone set now and then I'll be back to training." I said.

"Are you sure you want to go back to training?" She asked.

"Yeah mom I'm sure, just leave the girls here and I'll take them with us." I told her.

"Okay, if you're sure." She kissed my forehead and rushed out of the training center. The medic announced me done and I sat up, gathered my knives and moved back to the targets.

_Thud! Thud! Thud! _ My knives hit the target one after the other, my anger boiling over and I'm taking it all out on the training dummies. As I disappear into my own world and let my self go completely. In Hand-to-hand I managed to take down Cato, he grins up at me and then as he raises his sword we hear a scream. I looked up. Nutmeg.

"Nutmeg!" I shouted I rolled off of Cato and rushed over to her. She seemed terrified. "Meggy, what's wrong?" I stroked her face, and realized she was terrified of me. "Nutmeg, I wasn't going to hurt him and he wouldn't hurt me, do you understand?" She was still shaking but managed a nod, so I pulled her into a quick hug and led her and the other girls out into the waiting room.

"Yes." The lady at the desk said.

"Can my sisters sit out here?" I Asked.

"Sure." She nodded and I lead them to three chairs and told them to stay there until we came for them. I felt something trickling down my leg, damn, I had torn the stiches.

As the day came to a close Hazel and Paprika fell asleep, Cato grabbed HAzil and I grabbed Paprika. Nutmeg walked some distance behind us. When we opened the door to his house, I was instinctively quiet, but his whole family was awake, his mother had the table set, his sister was cleaning up the living room and his dad was in District 4 (Peacekeeper buissness) I tried hard not to cry, why did they have to be so perfect?

I managed to hold it together until bedtime. I am put in Cato's room, he sleeps on the floor but I can't get comfortable. The emotions of the day take over and I silently let the tears trickle down my face. Cato reaches up and takes my small hand in his.


	6. Treading Carefully

**Okay here we go...**

* * *

Four

Treading Carefully

_Where were you when everything was falling apart?_

_All my days spent by the telephone, that never rang and all I needed was a call_

_That never came on the corner of first and all messed up._

_Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me, _

_Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded. _

_Why did you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late. _

- _The fray, You Found Me_

Clove

Things changed that night. My mother and sisters, Cato, and me. Something that happened that day affected all of us for the rest of our lives together. I became more hostile, and ruthless. I snapped at my sisters a lot more, lost my temper more frequently, got into fights at the training center. I was never good enough, I trained constantly and by that winter I was the most feared in my class, other than Cato.

Cato. If anything his transformation was even more extreme than mine. He became almost vicious; in training he became ruthless, caring less and less about anything other than bloodshed. He had been suspended from training twice, once for nearly killing someone, once for actually killing someone. He hadn't seemed to care, I don't know, even now if he did. The message was a clear one though, don't mess with him. They didn't either, they were good little puppets.

In fact we were so feared, and worked so terribly with anyone else that we became permanent partners. Even though Cato had a good fifty pounds on me and was at least six inches taller than me, we had to spar with each other. This more often than not turned into actual fighting with both of us getting injured or something. We weren't even supposed to be fighting each other; we had been in spate weight categories since we were eight.

My mom tried harder to find a more suitable father, and ended up marrying her longtime friend and we moved in with him. Luckily for me this meant I lived next door to Cato, unluckily for me this meant one more sibling. Another sister, named Chive. Yeah, Chive, and I thought my name was bad. Honestly I loved my sisters, all of them but this was almost too much, that meant when I was home on weekends I not only had three wild children to control but a new baby.

Even if Rick, the new husband, was home(which being a peacekeeper he never was) he clearly couldn't control the spice rack, and the baby. The first day mom left us all alone to run errands I watched as he failed miserably with my sisters as I rocked the baby. Then I decided it would just be better to handle this all myself. As usual.

Everyone now treaded around me and Cato like we were nuclear bombs that could go off at any minute. I suppose in a way we were. Cato had violent outburst when he got angry, and though mine were less violent they still involved knife throwing. I was broken and no one could put me back together. Ever.

This was all one man's fault. I just wasn't good enough was I? Well dad I hope you're happy because your little girl is just as broken as you are. Sorry, personal moment. Where were we?

Ah yes, one person could get the old Clove back and even that was just for a few moments at a time, Cato. It probably wasn't the healthiest relationship to be involved in, but it was the only one I had. On days (Or nights) that I couldn't take it anymore I would go over to his house, climb up to his window (I didn't need his mother to know I was here, she'd tell mine) and we'd get rough. Most of the time we'd wrestle, sometimes we'd spar, but whatever form of training it was we were both always left with cuts and bruises. The nice thing about these cuts and bruises was that they were more bearable then the ones that only time could heal. This was all we had control over

Cato's life had gotten progressively worse, shortly after that night his father had been assigned a new peacekeeping duty here in District 2. He expected Cato to be better than everyone in the class, and even when he was that wasn't enough. So Cato turned to almost anything he could to get away, mostly violence, and then there was me. He was now always masked or hidden in a cloud of anger from most of the world. Except for me, I seemed to be able to reach him in the strangest ways. If I cried (Which rarely happened) He would just hold me and not say a word, just like he used to.

We were the only comfort either one of us allowed ourselves. I was his and he was mine. We didn't need anything else. On weekends his dad traveled to other districts and I was supposed to be with my dad and sisters. Somehow I always' managed to get out of it. I guess my mom thought my dad had changed, and he did seem okay at first, then Nutmeg came home with a black eye and those visits were put to a stop.

On this particular day Cato and I were getting ready to spar, my mom and Rick had taken the girls to the history museum and left me with Chive at home. Just as Cato and I were facing off the baby monitor emitted a shrill cry. I sighed and dashed up the stairs into the nursery, scooped her up and looked at the time and grabbed a bottle off the shelf.

"Okay, here you go." I sighed. Cato chuckled from the door way. "What?" I snapped.

"Nothing but someday you are going to feed your own kids." He said.

"No I won't. I'm not having kids." I snarled.

"Why not?" He seemed genuinely surprised. When I didn't answer immeaditly he answered for me. "Because you don't want them to have a life like you did."

"Yeah." I sighed and rocked Chive back to sleep. We went back down stairs and I sat down.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing," I put my usual 'fearless Clove' mask on.

"Clove, I'm not your mother I don't believe that lie." He snapped. It was true, I told my mother I was fine and she seemed to believe it. Sure I had been unpredictable for a few months but I wasn't totally heartless. Yet.

"Nothing is wrong Cato!" I snapped, brushing my long dark hair out of my face.

"Clove." He raised his eyebrows.

"Cato." I raised mine. I knew very well that neither one of us would back down and this would turn into a full out fight.

"Clove, what's wrong?" He tried.

"Nothing!" My voice rose.

"Clove something is obviously wrong!" He yelled.

"Even if something was wrong it wouldn't be your business would it Cato?" I yelled back

"Clove you might be able to hide from your family but like it or not I know you far too well to be fooled like that!" He shouted.

"Really? I somehow doubt that, how do you know better than the people who have known me the longest, and how do you know something is wrong?" I screamed.

"I have seen you like this before, I have seen you at your best and worst! I know something is wrong because of that look in your eyes." He shouted.

I lunged. I might have been much smaller but I could still knock him over, pinning him to the ground was near impossible though. We hit the ground with a dull and satisfying _Thud!_ He flipped us over and pinned me down, holding my arms down with his. I leaned over and bit him, he retracted in surprise more than pain, just long enough for me to flip us back so I was on top. I could feel his muscles retract as he prepared to flip us back over, but before he could I heard a loud clapping sound. Both of our heads snapped up.

"Hey!" It was Rick. I narrowed my eyes. "If you two are going to act like animals then take it outside!" I hadn't even heard him come in, or the rest of my family for that matter. I guess I ought to be somewhat relieved that this didn't go any farther because if it had the result probably would have been some broken plates and small holes in the walls from my knives. Cato stood up, me still straddling his body from trying to pin him down. I fell to the ground, admittedly I made a bit of a squeaking sound, I brushed my long hair out of my face and glared up at Cato, who smirked down at me.

Nutmeg, Hazel and Paprika looked up at me still in their winter coats. They had seen this before but I tried to keep it all hidden from them as much as possible. Which with a temper like mine and a friend like Cato, it wasn't easy and had a tendency to be quiet flawed. Paprika ran up to me and hugged me around the waist.

"Clove, hold me." She said. I sighed but in the end obliged to picking her up. She giggled, even at four she was the optimist the one who never failed to be happy or make others happy.

I had celebrated my fifteenth birthday that winter and now spring was looming, even in early April, Cato and I had encountered many animals when we took the back roads when we went to training in the morning. We had mixed luck with these animals, some left us alone, some followed us to training and in the end I killed them, suspecting rabies.

One night, when my stepfather and mother were yelling at each other I couldn't take it anymore I crawled out my window and ran next door. I knew for a fact that Cato slept with his window open so I climbed up and into his room.

"Cato?" I whispered.

"Clove?" He asked groggily. "Why the hell are you in my room at," He checked the clock. "Two am?"

"I couldn't take the tension anymore. My parents are fighting so I came here. I had to get away." I muttered.

"So you came here?" He asked. His house wasn't much better, his father was reassigned to District 11 this month and his family wasn't talking it well.

"Anywhere is better than there." I sighed.

"Well I'm going back to bed, feel free to join me." He sighed and rolled back over, I took that literally and climbed in bed next to him. "Clove?"

"Well you said I could join you." I said.

"I was- oh never mind." He sighed.

I was woken a few hours later to the blare of his alarm. He changed quickly and tossed me another uniform I recognized as my own, I was about to ask where he got it when I remembered I left it over here when I stayed a few nights while we were moving. I changed and ran my fingers through my hair and followed him down stairs.

His parents and sister were seated at the table. "Dad what are you doing here?" Cato asked.

"Good morning. Ah, who's this?" His father's eyes locked on me. He looked so much like Cato, only he was colder, and crueler which was saying something.

"I'm Clove, I live next door." I said.

"Why are you in my house at four am?" He asked.

I put on one of my fake sweet smiles which were more demonic then anything. "I climbed in through your son's bedroom window last night. Do you want to know the rest?"

"I'm okay thanks." He said. Cato grabbed two rolls of the table, handed one to me and walked out the door. I waved to his family and followed.

I was laughing as soon as we were out the door. "That was priceless."

"That was risky and stupid." Cato said.

"How?" I asked.

"My dad probably would've hit you." He started to walk off down the path.

"You think I can't handle myself?" I asked.

"Clove, I have seen the bruises, I know your dad hits you. I know you let him do it as long as it never happens to your sisters." He growled.

"Maybe I do let it happen but like I said last time I was there, if he ever does it again I intend to fight back." I snarled.

"Clove there are only two things that make me furious ." He started, I held back a laugh because I knew very well that was a lie. "When people under estimate me and when people hurt you."

"Well you can get rid of the last one because I don't let people hurt me." I snarled. He never answered. We walk the rest of the way in complete silence.


	7. Shattered

**Okay I am sorry for the delay, I've just been busy.**

* * *

Five

Shattered

_How many times can I break til I shatter?_

_Over the line, can't define what I'm after_

_I always turn the car around_

_Give me a break; let me make my own pattern_

_All that it takes is some time_

_But I'm shattered_

_I always turn the car around_

Clove

That weekend I was supposed to go to my dad's. Mom and the other girls were going to Aunt Megs and Rick had to work, I didn't want to go to Aunt Megs and that was the alternative. I convinced Cato to come along and there we were, in front of my dad's house. Cato put an arm around my shoulder and rang the bell. I heard my dad coming and shrugged Cato's arm off.

"What?" My dad slurred.

"Hi dad." I sighed.

"Clover, why are you hear?" He supported himself on the door frame.

"It's you're weekend." I said.

"Oh." Then as though he noticed Cato for the first time (Which he would have to be _really_ drunk to do because Cato is huge) he asked me; "Who's this?"

"Dad this is Cato." I said.

"You're boyfriend?" HE snarled.

"No, no my, uh, friend, you remember him, from training?" I sighed.

"Oh, yeah come in." He walked back into the house. Leaving me and Cato to let ourselves in.

MY dad's house smelled like alcohol, and smoke. I coughed and led Cato down to the basement, where I slept. Most of the basement was unfinished except for my small room, it had one twin bed in the corner and a set of drawers against the wall I put my clothes in the drawers and told Cato to put his things in.

"Where should I sleep?" He asked.

"Um you can sleep in the bed with me." I said.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yeah, I can't usually sleep when I'm over here anyway." I sighed.

"Okay, but will we fit?" HE asked.

"We will but I swear if you roll on me you will meet Brutus." I said.

"Brutus?"

"Brutus is the knife I sleep with strapped to my leg, he'd love to meet you." I smiled not-so-sweetly.

"Oh, well tell Brutus I'll pass on this little meeting." He said. I couldn't help but laugh. We had the weekend off from training so we decided to go to bed early.

I reflexively molded my small shape into Cato's much larger one. He didn't seem to mind very much though, as I fell asleep I felt him put an arm around my waist as though to protect me from something.

I woke to being thrown out of the bed by none other than my father. He loomed over me and I couldn't help but wince. It was like I was eight all over again.

_"Your worthless Clove!" My drunken father screamed at me as I cowered in the corner. "You can't do anything!" _

_ I whimpered as he hit me again, I learned a while ago not to cry out. This was the fourth time this week, my mother was gone and my dad was hitting me. _

_ "You'll never be a victor!" He shouted. "It's worthless sending you to that training academy, I bet you can't do anything!" I could hardly see him through my tangled mass of hair and my tears. This was okay, as long as he didn't hurt the baby. "You will probably die in some stupid way!" _

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He yelled. "Sleeping with him in my house."

I was jerked out of my thoughts as my fathers' fist collided with my ribcage. In seconds Cato was up but by then I'd had enough. For 16 years I had put up with blow after blow and this was it. He couldn't hurt me any more I wasn't six. Before I Cato could react my knife had met my father's chest, straight through his heart. He was dead in seconds.

I started to laugh, probably twistedly. "Clove?" Cato said slowly.

"It's like a sick game!" I snapped, suddenly stopping my laugh. "A sick game everyone plays! How many times can we break Clove before she is shattered beyond repair!" I storm over to the body, pull my knife out of his chest casually wiped it on my shorts I grabbed the phone. Called the peace keepers told them I found my father dead and leave. I could hear Cato behind me.

Around here murder is common, what do they expect when they train kids to kill each other? There is at least one murder ever two or three days, so it was going to be a miracle if they even got to my father before the body starts to rot. No one even looks for the murderer

I made it to the woods behind the training center, which was about a mile up the road, before I felt the pain in my ribs. They were broken for sure I doubled over and Cato bent down and picked me up. He carried me into the training center and I could hear the class going on. The two kids who were volunteering that year were the only ones training today.

"Enobaria." He called. She sees me and calls the medic over, I'm crying now, not from the pain, and unsurprisingly not from the guilt of killing my father, but from being so broken all the time, I can't take it anymore. I bury my face in Cato's chest and cry.

"What's wrong worthless?" Enobaria asked. Anyone who knows Enobaria knows that being called worthless is the closest you'd ever get to a complement. I didn't answer and she and Cato had to coax me out of my sanctuary known as Cato's chest.

"I-I killed my father, but that's not what upset me." I wiped my eyes.

"You killed your father?" Enobaria knew my father well, they had been friends once. "Well kid congratulations to you, you have enough guts not to take that abuse anymore. Now what's bothering you?"

Enobaria was like my second mother, I had practically grown up in the training center, every pivotal moment in my life had happened here, my first broken bone, my first period, I mean everything. Enobaria had been the one to explain these things to me. To some she would come off as heartless but really she could care.

"I-I can't take it anymore." I started. "I-I feel like everyone in the world is playing a game of 'How Many Times Can We Break Clove Before She's Shattered Beyond Repair?'!"

"Really worthless? No one is playing that game, now let's get you patched up and sent home." She patted my shoulder. I realized I'd managed to cut myself pretty badly with my knife because I didn't put it back. I remained seated on Cato's lap as the medic patched me up. He told me it was fine for me to go back to training tomorrow and I head home. We walk for a few minutes in silence.

"Cato?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He said.

"My house is still empty." I muttered.

"Well then I'll stay with you." He put his arm over my shoulders and I found myself leaning on him.

We walked into my house and it was indeed empty. I pulled out a pocket knife and handed it to him. "What's this for?" HE asked.

"I want you to be mine and I want to be yours, you carve your name into my hip I'll carve mine into yours." I said.

"Okay." Cato agreed. I lifted my shirt and pulled down the waist band of my shorts just far enough for him to carve his name. He began making cuts. It hurt but I loved it.

Soon he was done and he wrapped gauze around me to keep the blood from soaking through my clothes. Then, before he stood he did something that surprised me, he kissed the area where he had cut, finally he stood up and I knelt to do him. My name was in neat curvy cursive on his hip. I wrap gauze once around him then stood. He hugged me tightly and I found myself in tears again.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm not good enough." I muttered, referring to an incident a few nights ago.

_ Cato's girlfriend was yelling at him, I could hear it from my room._

_ "Cato!" She yelled. "Get over the girl next door she'll never love you!" I immediately assumed she was talking about Indiana, the girl on the other side of Cato. "She can't love anything! She's a monster!" I frowned, that didn't sound like Indiana, who was just about the sweetest person on earth. "She's not even pretty she's a hag!" Defiantly not Indiana, Indiana was gorgeous and the girl who lived where I do before me wasn't beautiful but I wouldn't have called her a hag._

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"The incident with Lavender." I said. "She was talking about Indiana, who is a good person."

"How is that your fault?" HE asked.

"I was the one who mentioned to her how wonderful Indiana was to my sisters." I muttered.

"Wait, hang on, you think the was talking about Indiana?" He asked.

"S-she was." I muttered.

He lifted my head and made me look at him. "Clove, she wasn't. She was talking about you."

"M-me? But Cato, I'm nothing special." I sighed.

"Clove, you can't see it but you are. You're beautiful." He whispered.

"I'm broken."

"Your both, you are the only one who puts up with my out bursts, you're the only one who can pull me out of them, you are the only one I trust fully. I don't care if you're broken, I will help you pick up the pieces." He said.

"Thanks." I whisper.

"Any time. Now let's get the blood off of you." He picked me up and I scowled.

"Put me down, I can walk." I ordered.

"Fine." He set me down and followed me up the stairs into the bathroom, I let him unwrap the bandages and soak my tank top in the sink to get the blood off of it.

I sat there in just my bra and shorts while Cato disinfected and rewrapped his name. I wondered briefly if this was making him as uncomfortable as it was making me. He washed his hands off and looked me over.

"Are you going to get dressed?" He asked.

"Um, all my clothes are at my dad's house." I blushed.

"All of them?" He asked.

"I have two tank tops and two pairs of shorts, one tank top has been ruined I am wearing the one pair of shorts and the rest is at my dad's. We wear training clothes most of the time anyway." I rolled my eyes. Then before I had time to protest Cato had removed his shirt and pulled it over my head.

"There you can wear that until we get your tank top done." He said and turned to walk out. Until then I hadn't ever been able to fully appreciate what all this training had done for Cato. I pushed my arms out of the shirt and filled the sink with cold water. Slowly the blood came out and I hung it over the towel rack to dry. I walked down stairs and found Cato in the kitchen. As usual.

"Do you have any food?" He asked.

"Well yes, but we didn't go shopping this weekend because we were all supposed to be gone." I said.

"Then let's go shopping." He grabbed my hand and pulled my out the door.

"They aren't going to let us in, you are only half dressed." I said.

"Fine wait here." He dashed into his house and came out minutes later with a shirt on.

We walked past the newsstand and the headline read "District 2 mental institution to shut down" I froze. "Clove what's wrong?"

I managed a "Look" and pointed he frowned at me.

"Yeah so?"

"C-cato." I grabbed his arm and pulled him into a back alley. "I have a twin brother."

"You _what?"_ He asked.

"I have a twin brother Pepper, I don't like to talk about him though." I was shaking.

"Okay but how come you never told me." There was something in his eyes that I recognized, betrayal. Of course he didn't think I'd keep secrets from him.

"Because he's not right, in the head I mean. He sustained a pretty bad head injury when we were four and he stayed four." I tried to explain.

"How did he stay four?" Cato asked.

"I don't know exactly, his brain just kind of stopped developing, and my mom couldn't handle the tantrums, the screaming, the hitting, the bed wetting so when I was seven and we found out that she was expecting Nutmeg we didn't have much choice so we sent him there. I visit him on weekends, which is why I'm never around a-and-" I couldn't finish, I burst into tears. Cato held me to him for a few minutes and then slowly lead me back to my house.

"You need to call your mom." He ordered. I nodded and dialed my aunts number.

"Hello?" My mother's voice said on the other end.

"H-hi mom." I managed.

"Clove? Are you alright? Why aren't you at your fathers?" She asked.

"I-I'm fine. I have bad news and worse news." I managed to keep my voice somewhat steady.

"Okay, start with the bad news." She said.

"Dads dead, he was murdered. Don't feel like I'm traumatized it's too late for that. Besides I killed him. " I said.

"Oh." There were a few moments of silence. "That's a surprise, I-I'll call the peace keepers later. Is Cato there with you?" I got the feeling she was worried about my state of mental health.  
"Yes mom." I sighed. "Cato's here."

"Are you two okay?" She asked.

"Mom, we're fine. What is someone going to do? Try to hurt us? Need I remind you I am not afraid to kill?" I asked.

"No. But what's the worse news?" She asked.

"The mental hospitals closing. Tomorrow." I said.

"Oh dear." She breathed.

"Cato and I are going to go get Pepper okay?" I asked.

"Okay are you sure you can handle him?" She asked.

"Mom, you used to leave me with Nutmeg when I was eight, when I was nine I got left with Hazel and Nutmeg, by 11 I watched all three girls during the evenings and on weekends. I can handle Pepper. Good bye." I hung up the phone. "Come on Cato, we have to go get Pepper!"

"Clove." Cato grabbed my arm. "Clove, calm down, you really have to calm down."

"Why! How can you tell me to calm down? I am under immense stress right now!" I snapped.

"Exactly, you need to calm down of all of our sakes." Cato pulled me close to him. "Look, go take a bath, I'll get Pepper, okay?"

"Pepper doesn't respond well to other people." I argued.

"How much bigger than you can he be? If I really have to I can carry him. Now go get in the bath I'll see you soon." He kissed my forehead and left. For once I didn't feel like arguing.


	8. Passion

**I'm sorry it took so long. It won't take this long again**

* * *

Six

_I'm tired of waking up in tears _

_Cause I can't put to bed these phobias and fears_

_I'm new to this grief, I can't explain_

_But I'm no stranger to, the heartache and the pain_

_The fire I began is burning me alive_

_But I know better than to leave and let it die_

_I'm a silhouette, asking every now and then Is it over yet?_

_Will I ever feel again?_

_I'm a silhouette, chasing rainbows on my own _

_But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone_

Tears

Life with Pepper isn't easy for any of us and by the third week my mother is exhausted, we all are. Still Cato and I offer to take the Spice rack hiking. We strapped the baby into a special back pack (It was made for babies you don't think I'd just shove my little sister in a back pack do you?) and led Pepper by the hand and hoped on the bus. Let's just say that Cato looked ridiculous with Chive strapped to his back.

Nutmeg leaned against the window looking annoyed, she hadn't wanted to come on this little hiking trip but we had forced her to. Hazel seemed indifferent to what was going on, she was the middle child, the one who just wanted things to work out. Paprika was bouncing up and down in her seat at six she was full of energy and ready to go, and energy I lacked.

I had been up half the night with Pepper, we had to share a bedroom and usually the only good thing about this was that he slept at night, but he had gotten into the coffee and was up most of the night. Which meant so was I.

Most of the bus ride I had spent holding on to Chive, and trying to keep Paprika in a sitting position. Cato was wrestling Pepper and everyone was staring at us. I decided it was probably Chive's fault, she had dark hair and blue eyes, which was just _perfect_. Pepper was a given his pills so he was behaving. When we finally got off the bus I told Nutmeg to hold Paprika's hand and Hazel to stick close to me.

"Why do we keep getting stared at?" Cato asked.

"Well my sisters are blonde haired and have hazel eyes, like me, but you've got blonde hair." I said.

"They really think that you're their mother?" HE asked.

"Maybe not for the older girls but for Chive, well she's got Blue Eyes Cato." I sighed.

"That's disgusting you are way to young." He said. He's right but even I can't deny that it happens, usually not in girls from the training center but it does happen.

That night after I'm sure Pepper is asleep I sneak over to Cato's he is laying awake on his bed looking at me as I come in. "Clove?"

"Hi Cato."I whispered as I crawled in next to him.

"Clove can I talk to you about something?" He asked, turning on his side to face me.

"What?" I asked.

"Look don't take this the wrong way but I think I'm in love with you." He whispered.

I didn't say anything for a minute. "Really?"

"Really." He whispered.

"Cato, why me? Its not that I don't love you because I really do but you could have any girl out there, why me?" I asked.

"Because I don't want any other girl I want you to love me Clove, and I need to love you." He said.

"Are you sure broken and scared is okay?"

"Broken and scared is perfect." Then he leaned in and kissed me.

I woke up with Cato's arms around me, I could hear his alarm and he groaned. "Cato." I whispered. "Get up."

"Fine." He groaned and rolled out of bed, I followed him as he truned his alarm off. "I wouldn't let my family see you like that."

He was right I shouldn't let his family see me in my under clothes. He tossed my my training clothes from one of the drawers and got dressed himself. We went down stairs together. His mother didn't even question my presence, she had gotten fairly used to my being at their house at unimaginable hours of the morning.

"Clove, honey, I gave you a house key, you don't have to use Cato's bedroom window anymore." Cato's mother said, observing the long scrape on my arm.

"I like coming in his window." I said.

"I don't want to know why." Amy said.

"I won't tell you why." I raised my eyebrows and smiled suggestively. Cato and I hadn't had sex, with our busy lives there was hardly enough time to go to the bathroom and we are monitored way to closely at training.

After breakfast Cato and I walked the mile and a half to the training center hand in hand. When I walked in I immediately knew something is wrong. Brutus was standing on the gauntlet and the classes are all crowded around him. Enobaria was nowhere in sight.

"I don't know!" He snapped. "Just go train freely, I don't care!"

The crowd dispersed and I still didn't see Enobaria anywhere. Which was weird she hardly ever missed a day of training.

"Brutus, where's Enobaria?" I asked. "We have that interview session today."

"Baria is sick. I know she never takes a sick day but she got out of bed this morning walked to steps and fell over, she's running an extremely high fever and throwing up, all around she's not a pleasant person this morning." Brutus gave us all the facts, most likely because he knows Cato and I would pester him until he did. We're charming that way "Cato you and I will work on your interview session Clove, whenever Baria gets better you can do yours." He walked off to help a seven year old throw a knife.

"Poor guy," Cato said.

"What do you mean, Enobaria's the one that's sick!" I said.

"You don't know?" Cato frowned.

"Know what?" I asked.

"They're together. They've known each other since Enobaria was eight and Brutus was ten. They're married." Cato said.

"What?!" I was shocked. "They don't act married!"

"They are though, they've been trying to have a baby for like six years." He shrugged.

"What?!" I was still shocked.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Why didn't I know this? How do you know this?" I said.

"Well everyone knows they're married, I found out about the baby by accident." Cato shrugged and went to the sword fighting station.

When I got home Pepper was sitting on the couch waiting. He refuses to sleep without me in the room. I suppose it kind of sweet, or it would be if he was a four year old, which I suppose he kind of is. Anyway he tackle hugged me when I came through the door.

"Clovey!" He said.

"Hey Pepper, are you ready for bed?" I asked.

"Yes Clovey!" He smiled, holding my hand. I lead him upstairs and tucked him into bed.

"Good night Pepper."

"Good night Clovey!"

I woke up at midnight after a nightmare and climbed out the window, Cato's window was open and I climbed in. I crawled in to his bed and he kissed me.

"Clove." He muttered. I kissed him again with a passion I hadn't previously known for him and I instantly knew what I wanted.

"Cato?"

"Yeah?"

"Take all your clothes off. Now"

* * *

**I know its short. In the next chapter "Mother" Enobaria and Clove have a little heart-to-heart**


	9. Mother

**See! I tol****d you It wouldn't be long! Here we go with chapter 7**

* * *

Seven

Mother

_Everyday I fight a war against the mirror  
I can't take the person starin' back at me  
I'm a hazard to myself_

The next day I had my private training session with Enobaria, it had been decided that Cato and I were going to volunteer for the Games and with the games just 7 months away training was getting more and more intense. A small problem considering the fact that, I was, you know, in love with him. Enobaria seemed distracted the entire time, I won't pretend that I was on task myself. I found myself being distracted too. About an hour in to our two hour session Enobaria stopped.

"Okay worthless, what's wrong?" she sighed, running her hands through her thick dark hair. "Don't tell me it's nothing. I know you're lying to me."

"Enobaria, can I tell you something?" I asked.

She frowned. "Of course you can tell me anything."

"I-I um had sex with Cato." I was uncomfortable.

She laughed, she actually laughed. Something which never happened before. "That's what you're so upset about?"

"Yes." I blushed.

"Well I can't say I'm surprised. Brutus and I have been wondering when the two of you would get together." She ruffled my hair.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" She raised an eyebrow.

"You never laugh, or smile…" I muttered.

"Oh, yeah um, I have personal reasons for that." She shifted somewhat uncomfortably like she was hiding something. "So why are you so upset. Did Cato force you into anything?"

"No." I muttered.

"Did you not like it?" She asked.

"No, I enjoyed it…" I felt myself grow red.

"Then what's wrong?" She sighed, clearly starting to get a little annoyed with me.

"It was unprotected." I muttered.

"Oh, okay that's a bigger issue then I foresaw…" She sighed. "Clove, there is nothing I can really do for you in this situation. If you miss your period, tell me and we' ll go to the hospital."

"Wh-what about my mother?" I asked.

"I won't tell your mother unless you are pregnant Clove. I promise." Enobaria said.

I started to cry. I don't know why, I can't explain it but in that moment I burst into tears. I was completely unwarned about them coming, they just did. I felt Enobaria's arms wrap around me and her pull me close. "Shh" Enobaria whispered. "You're okay. You're okay. It's going to be fine."

"Th-thank you." I cried.

"Clove, I want you to stay after training for a bit okay?" She whispered.

"Wh-why?" I asked.

"So we can talk a bit more. Okay?" She asked.

"Okay. Enobaria?" I asked.

"Yeah worthless?" She answered.

"You never told me you were married." I muttered, I know it sounds stupid but it was a very valid question at the time.

"Well you never asked." She laughed. "Brutus and I have been married for over six years now."

"H-how did you meet?" I found myself asking.

"Well, when I was eight, I had to take the garbage cans around to the back of the house, they were the big rolling kind and, I was tiny. At eight I was skin, bones and hair. I weighed at the most fifty pounds. Anyway the garbage can had 20 pounds on me and at least six inches. We lived on this big hill with a lake at the bottom. It was December and snowing. I had been managing the garbage can pretty well until I lost my footing. The garbage can pushed me all the way to the lake, I was screaming but when I hit the freezing water I just stopped. No tapering off I just stopped screaming as water filled my lungs. I felt someone's arms grab me, at first I thought it was Loki, come to punish me for screaming but whoever it was pulled me out of the water and took me up the hill. By that time I had realized I was bleeding, I only later found out I had cut myself on chunk of frozen ice. Soon I felt warmth and I looked around. It wasn't my house it was much cleaner. I looked up and saw Brutus. We had lived next door to each other for a long time and he had come to save me. That was the first time of many he helped me." She said.

"You needed help?" I asked. She shifted uncomfortably again and I got the feeling something was being kept from me. I don't like it when things are kept from me.

"Yeah I did, If it wasn't for Brutus I wouldn't be alive now. Clove, I know around here love isn't exactly celebrated but no matter what anyone says you need it. You need it to survive just as much as you need the skills you learn here." She whispered.

That unraveled everything I knew. I had been taught, not to love. Then I realized what Enobaria was saying, _she_ had never told me love was bad. Brutus had never told be love was bad. Lyme had always told me love was a useless.

Lyme. If Brutus and Enobaria were the father and mother of this twisted little family of ours then Lyme was the crazy Aunt you didn't want anyone to know about. I'm not joking when Enobaria and Brutus had been in the capitol for the games last year she drove all of us to train so hard that I got pneumonia from all the ten mile runs in the rain. Enobaria was very upset with what Lyme had done and yet concealed it so well.

"Okay." I said.

"Good girl." Enobaria smiled, a golden fanged smile.

"Can I come in?" Brutus called from the other side of the door.

"Of course." Enobaria said. I turned around in my chair and saw Nutmeg, Hazel, Paprika, and little Chive.

"Girls how did you get here?" I asked.

Nutmeg brought Chive over to me. "P-pepper's having an episode. He won't stop screaming for you Clove."

I sighed, this happened a lot usually I was at home but this was the first time it happened in training. I looked out the window and saw a wall of white. Great it was snowing. I couldn't take the kids home in this. I bit my lip.

"Clove, the day is almost over. Brutus and I can take your sisters to our house, go calm your brother then I want you to come over too okay?" Enobaria said.

"Okay thank you!" I stood up and rushed out into the main training room. Cato was waiting for me.

"Hey, I heard do you want me to come?" He asked.

"Please." I said.

I didn't even have time to put my coat on. I just ran. Under normal conditions we would have made the one mile run in five minutes. In the blizzard it took us more like ten. About a hundred yards away I could hear Peppers screams.

I burst into the house in a flurry of snow and wind. Pepper rushed towards me. "CLOVEY!"

"Hi Pepper, what's wrong?" I asked.

"I want you here Clovey!" He cried.

"Okay, Pepper we are going to bed now okay?" I said.

"Okay Clovey!" He smiled and I led him upstairs and tucked him into bed, acting as though I too was going to bed. After forty-five minutes he finally fell asleep and I crept down stairs.

"Mom?" I said.

"Yes Clove?" She asked.

"The girls and I are staying with Enobaria tonight, Pepper should sleep until about 9 am tomorrow. I'll bring the girls back before we go to training okay?" I asked.

"Are you sure you can she can handle Chive?" Mother asked.

"Yes I'm sure." I walked out and took Cato with me. We ran the two miles to Enobaria's house where she and Chive were waiting up for us in the kitchen. She was holding Chive who was wearing a little blue onsie.

"Enobaria?" I asked. She looked up at me. "Where did you find that?"

"Brutus and I had a baby once. He died of SIDS…" Enobaria's eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I said.

"It's fine, it was several years ago." Enobaria said.

Nutmeg peeked her head in to the kitchen. "Wow, Clove I never knew how much you looked like Enobaria."

"Well of course, she looks like me." Enobaria said. "Your father is my brother."

"What?" I asked

"Your father was my brother." She repeated.

"How come I never knew about this?" I asked.

"You never asked." She shrugged as though this was a perfectly normal thing. As though everyone knew it. Everyone except me.

"So that makes you my Aunt?" I Asked.

"I guess it does." She said.

"How old were you when I was born?" I asked.

"Lets see, you're seventeen now, so I was about… sixteen." She said.

"Okay then. I'm going up to bed." I turned and waved. "Night"

I found Cato in the guest bedroom so I assumed we were sharing, Nutmeg and the other four girls were down the hall, I said good night to them before climbing in bed next to Cato. I felt his arm wrap around me tightly.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine just worried about Pepper." I sighed. "He needs a lot more care then Chive does."

"Clove, don't lie I know something else is bothering you." He whispered.

"Yeah something else is." I confessed.

"What is it?" He coaxed.

"My mother, I wish she and risk were slightly more responsible." I sighed.

"How?" HE asked.

"Well my mother's pregnant again." I whimpered.

"Oh Clove I'm so sorry." He hugged me. I didn't throw in that I might be pregnant too…

* * *

**I will see you in the next chapter "Secrets" **


	10. Secrets

**There might not be an update for two weeks. Next week I have midterms and the week after I am getting surgery. Any update that does come is going to be a short one.**

* * *

Eight

Secrets

_And as, Time began to wander, You stood there for a while  
And as, Your heart grew fonder, He took away your smile,  
Kicking stones, between your shoes, You whistled not a note  
Time spend dissecting, Every song he'd ever wrote  
And now your, hair is saturated  
And your heart has been invaded,  
And now you join the line,  
Of those who, didn't make their move in time_

Clove

As January turned to February and February turned to March and March into April Enobaria showed up less and less. Throughout February and into March when she did appear she always looked like she was going to throw up and several times she did. In April we saw her all of twice, she looked better, but she wasn't wearing the training clothes she usually did she wore a sweat shirt that was much too large, but the training pants. By the time the First of May rolled around I was getting jumpy, worried she wouldn't be there at all before reaping day. Then on the second she was there.

She and Brutus walked into training like nothing had happened. Both wearing the training clothes they usually did and both looking healthy. Everyone shrugged it off, everyone except me. When the time for my private training session came I turned on her.

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"I've been ill." She said.

"So ill you left me with _him_ for five months?" I asked pointing to Brutus.

"Well that hurt…" Brutus said. "I thought I did a pretty good job."

"Shut it blondie!" We both snapped.

"Shutting it." Brutus muttered.

"I've got personal reasons for being gone Clove!" Enobaria snapped.

"So what are they?" I asked.

"I've told you I was ill!" She snapped.

"for Five months?! And another three before you started disappearing?!" I rolled my eyes.

I honestly believed that if Brutus' hadn't done what he had I wouldn't have made it to the reaping. Enobaria lunged but before she could get anywhere Brutus grabbed her waist and pulled her back, but she was kicking and fighting the entire way.

"I would lay off a bit if I was you Clove!" Brutus said as he struggled to hold on to Enobaria who had tried to bite him. Brutus yelped as Enobaria did sink her teeth into his arm. He let go and she released him. I noticed the other bite marks going up his arms, most of them scars. Enobaria glared at me, then at Brutus and walked away.

"Well, she's um… mad." I said.

"Yeah, damn, second time in the last month." He sighed. "I'm going to get stitches again, throw knives or something."

I took his advice and went to the knife throwing station. Enobaria was sitting behind the knife throwing targets rubbing her temples.

"Um, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh sorry Clove I haven't slept in a week." She yawned.

"Why?" I asked.

"Personal reasons." She stood up. "Now get to work."

I decided it was best to listen to her since she seemed to be in a bad mood. I sighed and picked up my knives and began to train. I soon disappeared in the lull of the repeated _thud! Thud! Thud! _Of the knives hitting the targets. Soon enough the sight of Brutus talking to Enobaria drags my line of thought away.

He stood in front of her and concerned expression on his face, She looked up at him defiantly as though she wasn't happy with what was going on. In the end their exchange seemed to sadden Enobaria a bit but she agreed to whatever Brutus had said.

When training ended Cato and I met up to walk home together. He took my hand and we slowly walked home along the trail that is so familiar to us. Suddenly Cato drags me off the trail and kisses me.

"Clove?" He asks.

"Yes Cato?" I say.

"No matter what the next few weeks bring us just understand no matter which one of us makes it out of the arena, I love you." He whispers.

"I-I love you to Cato." I whispered as we went back to the trail. "Cato?"

"Yeah Clove?" He said.

"Do you think this is what happened to Enobaria and Brutus? They just fell in love all at once, and they didn't know what do to with it?" I asked.

"Maybe, but I think it would've hit Brutus first. He's not as much of a train as Enobaria." Cato replied.

"A train?" I asked.

"Like you, you just keep going and going and going with no regarded for where you're going only once you've gotten there do you think about what you've left behind." He answers.

"Oh." I whispered.

What I didn't know at the time was that he was right. All too right.

* * *

**I will see you all next time in "Reaping"**


	11. The Show

**Well midterms are over. Finally. I hope to finish the next chapter before my surgery but I'm not sure I will...**

* * *

Nine

The Show

_I'm just a little bit caught in the middle _

_Life is a maze and love is a riddle_

_ I don't know where to go, can't do it alone_

_I've tried and I don't know why  
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment_

_ I'm so scared but I don't show it_

_ I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down_

_ I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show_

Clove

The morning of the reaping Cato and I were instructed to be and Brutus and Enobaria's at eight in the morning, ready for the reaping. I supposed it was to prepare us for the reaping, as rumor had it that there was a special way the reaping's volunteers had to act. So Cato and I met up at 7:45 and walked to Brutus and Enobaria's.

As soon as we got there something was wrong. I knew it from the sound coming from the window. The sound of a baby's persistent cries could be heard. I looked at Cato and he shrugged, then I glanced up at the window. Enobaria appeared to be holding something. She was pacing back and forth, and talking to what ever it was.

I was so wrapped up in trying to figure out what Enobaria was doing that I didn't notice the door .had opened.

"Hi Clove, hi Cato." Brutus said. I jumped and gave a small scream. "Sorry Clove I didn't mean to scare you."

I don't know what had scared me most, the fact that Brutus had seemingly shown up out of nowhere or the fact that he looked exhausted. I had never in all of my life seen either Brutus or Enobaria looking tired before. The two of them always seemed to have endless energy.

I followed Cato into their house and sat down on the couch. The right wall had an array of weapons mounted on it, the left had a fireplace, and the couch was in the middle.

"Baria will be down soon." Brutus said.

"Who?" I asked.

"Enobaria, will be down soon." He explained. Another thing I'd never heard Brutus do, call Enobaria by a pet name.

Sure enough Enobaria came down just minutes later. She looked exhausted as well, she was wearing an t-shirt that was four sizes too large and sweat pants. Her dark brown hair was loose and hung in messy curls. The thing that shocked me the most was the baby in her arms. He was tiny, just a week or two old, and he was looking around, his hair was blonde like Brutus' and his eyes were unmistakably brown, like Enobaria's.

"Morning Clove." Enobaria said, sitting next to Brutus.

"Who's that?" I pointed at the baby.

"Oh, yeah you haven't met him. Clove, this is Julius." Enobaria smiled a gold fanged smile.

"Whose baby is he?" I was so confused.

"Um… me and Brutus' who else's baby would it be?" Enobaria raised an eyebrow.

"You never told me you had a baby. Wait, wait let me guess 'you never asked.'?" I narrowed my eyes.

"No, I just wasn't ever in the mood to tell you." Enobaria yawned. "Okay, Brutus is going to go over some things with you and I am going to shower." She passed the now sleeping Julius to Brutus and went upstairs.

"Okay, now when they ask for volunteers – Clove are you okay?" Brutus frowned.

I noticed only then that my mouth was agape and I was staring shocked at where Enobaria had been only moments earlier. "Yeah, I'm okay considering my entire world just collapsed around me."

"Quit being dramatic, like I was saying. Clove when they ask for female volunteers you run up to that stage. It means you have to be in the front of your group of girls okay?" Brutus asked.

"Okay…" I muttered mindlessly.

"Now Cato…" I tuned out Brutus' voice and tried to take in all the information I'd just been given. I'd known for a while that the two of them were in a relationship but I'd never really thought that them being married could lead to them having a child. I had never seen Enobaria to be the motherly caring type. I took the fact that their baby was still alive as a sign that I'd seriously underestimated Enobaria's maternal instinct.

Enobaria came back down, her hair damp from the shower but she was ready for the reaping, she wore a knee length black dress and her hair was loose. She took Julius from Brutus who then went up to shower. Julius began to cry and I expected Enobaria to make a bottle or something, but no, she put a blanket over her front and breastfed the baby.

"Clove are you okay? You look sick." Enobaria frowned.

"Oh I'm fine, this is just the last thing I expected of you." I said.

"What is?" She asked.

"Well now it's the last thing. The first last thing was for you to have a baby, the new last thing would be breastfeeding t baby." I nodded.

"Why?" She frowned.

"Well lets face it, you don't have the strongest maternal instinct…" I said.

"I'd never really had anything to be maternal with." She shrugged.

"Well there was always me…" I said. "Because I just had a _great_ home life."

"Clove." Cato warned. He could sense it, I could to but that wasn't going to stop now.

"Oh Clove quit being dramatic." Enobaria snapped.

"I'm not I'm being honest. For so many years you were the mother figure in my life then you disappear for five months and this happens." I snap.

Here's the problem with me and Enobaria in the words of Brutus and Cato. According to them we are too alike for our own good. Which might be true, we both have short fuses, we both have a tendency to get violent when we get mad. Which needless to say is a bad combinations.

The first thing Enobaria did was hand Julius to Cato. Then she pulled up the front of her black dress.

"Clove, you leave my child out of this." Her voice was dangerously calm.

"No, every time a baby is born I get pushed farther away from someone!" I shouted. "I always counted on you and that – that _thing_ ruined my life."

Enobaria lunged at me but before she could jump on me Brutus - who I suppose had come down stairs – locked his hands around her waist and pulled her back to him. Falling into the couch and pulling her onto his lap. Enobaria froze against him, it looked strange to see her small muscled frame against his broad muscled one.

"Cato get Clove please." Brutus said, I suppose he could tell my blood was still boiling "Set Julius on the floor and calm her."

Cato gently lay Julius on the floor and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me onto his lap and kissing my neck gently. "Clove calm down, no one's forgotten you. No one has we all love you."

"No one loves me. I'm not loveable. " I said.

"I love you." Cato said.

"Clove let me tell you a story." Brutus said. "When Enobaria was around your age she thought the same thing, she had a really hard time opening up to me at all even though we'd known each other for years. Every night we spent in the same bed and that was the only time I got to hug her, during her nightmares. Finally she got the courage to open up to me, because as much as she could try to fight it. She needed me just as much as I needed her. You need Cato just as much as he needs you."

"But –"

"Nope, this is nonnegotiable. Now come on its time for the reaping."

Thirty minutes later I stood in my group of girls. The woman who's name I never bothered to learn gets up gives a thirty minute speech, reading off the names of past victors and finally get to the reaping.

"Clove Ash!" She calls. I am mortified, I was reaped? What do I do now? I catch Enobaria motioning me forward out of the corner of her eye so I mount the stage. Cato volunteers and we are taken in to custody.

* * *

**So how did you like that little revelation. Enobaria has a maternal instinct. Clove's talking about her feelings. Brutus is being a calm measured person. Cato didn't blow up once, well if you ask me it sounds like all hell is about to break loose, the smoke before the fire so to speak. I'll see you next week in "**Charioteers"


End file.
